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Ronda Rousey was at a low point immediately following her shocking knockout loss to Holly Holm at UFC 193 in November -- so low, she said on “The Ellen DeGeneres” show that she actually had suicidal thoughts while sitting in the medical room that night.
“I was sitting in the corner and I was like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?’” an emotional Rousey said of the aftermath of her first UFC loss after 12 victories.
“And I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself, and that exact second I’m like, ‘I’m nothing. What do I do anymore? And no one gives a [expletive] about me anymore without this.’”
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Holly Holm celebrates her victory over Ronda Rousey in their women’s bantamweight championship bout at UFC 193 event in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Holly Holm, right, lands a kick to the neck to knock out Ronda Rousey at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia, on Nov. 15, 2015. (Paul Crock / AFP/Getty Images)
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Ronda Rousey, left, goes down after being knocked out by a kick to the neck from Holly Holm at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Paul Crock / AFP/Getty Images)
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Ronda Rousey hits the canvas after being knocked out by Holly Holm.
(Paul Crock / AFP /Getty Images)
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Ronda Rousey receives medical treatment after being knocked out by Holly Holm.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Holly Holm, right, is declared the bantamweight champion after defeating Ronda Rousey at UFC 193.
(Andy Brownbill / Associated Press)
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Holly Holm wears the women’s bantamweight belt she won from Ronda Rousey during UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Holly Holm punches Ronda Rousey during their championship bout at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia. UFC leadership says Holm’s next fight will be a rematch with Rousey. Holm’s camp wanted a fight against Miesha Tate while Rousey recovered from her first fight against Holm.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Holly Holm, right, demonstrated all her skill and athleticism at UFC 193 with a second-round knockout of Ronda Rousey.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Holly Holm, right, fights Ronda Rousey for the women’s bantamweight belt at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Joe Catro / EPA)
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Holly Holm, left, defeated Ronda Rousey by second-round knockout in UFC 193 in Australia to claim the women’s bantamweight title.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Holly Holm, left, pulled off one of the biggest upsets in UFC history by defeating Ronda Rousey in November 2015 in Melbourne, Australia. (Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Holly Holm, top, upset Ronda Rousey at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Ronda Rousey, center, appears focused as she walks toward the octagon for her UFC bantamweight title fight against Holly Holm.
(Paul Crock / AFP / Getty Images)
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Joanna Jedrzejcyk, left, punches Valerie Letourneau during UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Andy Brownbill / Associated Press)
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Joanna Jedrzejczyk, right, defeated Valerie Letourneau by unanimous decision at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia on Nov. 14, 2015. (Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Mark Hunt, right, defeated Antonio ‘Bigfoot’ Silva at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Robert Whittaker, right, defeated Uriah Hall by unanimous decision at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Jared Rosholt, top, defeated Stefan Struve by unanimous decision during UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Jared Rosholt, right, and Stefan Struve compete at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Jake Matthews holds down Akbar Arreola during UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Akbarh Arreola looks on after his UFC 193 bout against Jake Matthews was stopped after the second round because of the swelling near Arreola’s eye.
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Jake Matthews celebrates his victory over Akbarh Arreola at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Kyle Noke, left, kicks Peter Sobotta on his way to a first-round technical knockout at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Gian Villante, right, punches Anthony Perosh on his way to a first-round technical knockout at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Danny Martinez defeated Richie Vaculik by unanimous decision at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
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Danny Martinez holds down Richie Vaculik at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Steve Montgomery, left, takes a hit during a loss to Dan Kelly at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Dan Kelly punches Steve Montgomery during their middleweight bout at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Dan Kelly, right, used a late rally to beat Steve Montgomery at UFC 193 event in Melbourne, Australia.
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James Moontasri, right, kicks Anton Zafir during their welterweight bout at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
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Ben Nguyen celebrates after defeating Ryan Benoit during their UFC 193 flyweight fight in Melbourne, Australia.
(Andy Brownbill / Associated Press)
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Ben Nguyen, left, defeated Ryan Benoit by first-round submission during their UFC 193 fight in Melbourne, Australia.
(Andy Brownbill / Associated Press)
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Richard Walsh, right, defeated Steven Kennedy by unanimous decision at UFC 193 in Melbourne, Australia.
(Quinn Rooney / Getty Images)
Rousey said the sight of her boyfriend, fellow UFC fighter Travis Browne, snapped her out of it.
“I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing up there and I looked up at him and I was like, ‘I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive,’” she said.
“I haven’t told anybody that. I only told him that. But that’s what I was thinking. I was meant to have him when I was at my lowest, for sure. I don’t know if I would’ve made it without him.”
Chuck Schilken is a sports reporter on the Fast Break team. He spent more than 18 years with the Los Angeles Times’ Sports Department in a variety of roles. Before joining The Times, he worked for more than a decade as a sports reporter and editor at newspapers in Virginia and Maryland.
